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<HTML>
<HEAD>
<META HTTP-EQUIV="Content-Type" CONTENT="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1">
<META NAME="Author" CONTENT="David T. Etler">
<META NAME="GENERATOR" CONTENT="Mozilla/4.04 [en] (WinNT; I) [Netscape]">
<TITLE>Clan UMTS :::Members:::</TITLE>
</HEAD>
<BODY TEXT="#000000" BGCOLOR="#000000" LINK="#00FF00" VLINK="#CCCCCC" ALINK="#FF0000">
<TABLE BORDER=0 CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 WIDTH="100%" BGCOLOR="#000000" >
<TR BGCOLOR="#000000">
<TD ALIGN=LEFT VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="5" BGCOLOR="#000000"><IMG SRC="clanlogo3.gif" HEIGHT=200 WIDTH=282></TD>
<TD ALIGN=LEFT VALIGN=CENTER BGCOLOR="#000000">
<CENTER><TABLE BORDER=0 CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 COLS=1 WIDTH="100%" BGCOLOR="#FF0000" >
<TR>
<TD ALIGN=LEFT VALIGN=CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#CCCCCC"><FONT SIZE=+1>Our
Sainted Members. </FONT></FONT></B>
<P><FONT COLOR="#CCCCCC"><B>Or, The Only People Who Still Talk to Us.</B> </FONT>
<BR> </TD>
</TR>
</TABLE></CENTER>
</TD>
</TR>
</TABLE>
<BR>
<P>
<P><TT><FONT SIZE=+1><FONT COLOR="#FFFF00">MEMBERS URGENTLY NEEDED! </FONT> </FONT></TT>
<BR><TT><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF">Actually, truth be told, we're really an
unfriendly bunch. Look at our membership requirements: you
have to work at the same company we do! Talk about elitist!
Now, we know what you're thinking: "How can they get away with that
in this day and age?!" Easy...our clan, our rules. Here is
a step-by-step tutorial that'll tell you how to <A HREF="http://www.umass.edu/campus_services/transit/jobopportunities.html">fling
open the pearly gates</A>, though...</FONT></TT>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<CENTER><TABLE BORDER=0 CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 WIDTH="100%" BGCOLOR="#000000" >
<TR>
<TD>
<CENTER><!-- Main Menu Start --></CENTER>
</TD>
<TD ALIGN=LEFT VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="110">
<TABLE BORDER=0 CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 COLS=1 WIDTH="1" BGCOLOR="#000000" >
<TR>
<TD WIDTH="1"><A HREF="index.html"><IMG SRC="home1.gif" ALT="Where the railgun is" BORDER=0 HEIGHT=32 WIDTH=100></A></TD>
</TR>
<TR>
<TD><A HREF="members.html"><IMG SRC="members2.gif" ALT="It's like a car wreck. You want to look away, but you can't" BORDER=0 HEIGHT=25 WIDTH=100></A></TD>
</TR>
<TR>
<TD><A HREF="mission.html"><IMG SRC="mission3.gif" ALT=""Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants."" BORDER=0 HEIGHT=27 WIDTH=100></A></TD>
</TR>
<TR>
<TD><A HREF="why.html"><IMG SRC="why4.gif" ALT="Because the bus to NoHo doesn't come for another 45 minutes." BORDER=0 HEIGHT=28 WIDTH=100></A></TD>
</TR>
<TR>
<TD><A HREF="hatred.html"><IMG SRC="hatred5.gif" ALT="I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way." BORDER=0 HEIGHT=61 WIDTH=100></A></TD>
</TR>
<TR>
<TD><A HREF="server.html"><IMG SRC="server6.gif" ALT="Look at all the chunks!" BORDER=0 HEIGHT=63 WIDTH=100></A></TD>
</TR>
<TR>
<TD><A HREF="excuses.html"><IMG SRC="excuses7.gif" ALT=""Camper!"" BORDER=0 HEIGHT=44 WIDTH=100></A></TD>
</TR>
<TR>
<TD><A HREF="links.html"><IMG SRC="links8.gif" ALT="Ooo, something shiny!" BORDER=0 HEIGHT=28 WIDTH=100></A></TD>
</TR>
<TR>
<TD><A HREF="contactus.html"><IMG SRC="conactus9.GIF" ALT="Send us some Rush tickets or something." BORDER=0 HEIGHT=40 WIDTH=100></A></TD>
</TR>
<TR>
<TD><IMG SRC="10.gif" BORDER=0 HEIGHT=12 WIDTH=100></TD>
</TR>
</TABLE>
</TD>
<TD>
<CENTER><!-- Main Menu End --></CENTER>
</TD>
<TD ALIGN=LEFT VALIGN=TOP>
<BLOCKQUOTE><FONT COLOR="#33CCFF">Below you will find a list of our members.
Now look: some clan pages let their members write their own bios.
Which is very democratic and all, but most of the bios come out sounding
something like this:</FONT>
<BR>
<TABLE BORDER=0 CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 >
<TR VALIGN=TOP>
<TD WIDTH="5"><IMG SRC="Gates2.jpg" HEIGHT=215 WIDTH=181></TD>
<TD><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>REAL NAME</B>: William Gates</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUAKE NAME</B>: ChCHING</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>HEIGHT</B>: 7'8"</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>WEIGHT</B>: 320, all muscle</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>FAVORITE WEAPON</B>: My fists</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUOTE</B>: "I'm just gonna kick you're
ass at Quake, my friend, you wait and see if I don't! And if that
doesn't happen, I'll just take all your money and dance on your grave."</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>ARCH ENEMY</B>: [DOJ]Juztis</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>BIOGRAPHY</B>: When he's not kicking
ass in a deathmatch with DOJ, Bill is out kicking ass on the corporate
scene. In the Justice Department's pending legal action, ChCHING
has vowed to take no prisoners. And while he's snoozing in his hot
tub filled with gold coins, with a babe on each arm, Netscape is
hemorraging cash to pay its legal expenses. Death to DOJ!</FONT></TD>
</TR>
</TABLE>
<BR>
<P><FONT COLOR="#33CCFF">Or some such self-aggrandizing nonsense.
You can see how this gets irritating. Why is it that every cha-cha
with a 3DFX card thinks he's the biggest badass who ever wrapped his sausages
around a mouse? Isn't it enough that some day most of them are going
to be rich beyond my wildest dreams because they came up with a game controller
that runs on brainwaves?</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#33CCFF">So, I, Chzdanish, have decided that if I can't
be good at Quake, at least I can make the rules here. And the first
rule is, I write the bios (or at least, I get to edit them. Hee hee!).
Here goes.</FONT>
<P>
<BR>
<BR>
<TABLE BORDER=0 CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 >
<TR VALIGN=TOP>
<TD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="5"><IMG SRC="deslock2.JPG" ALT="Can you believe someone married me?" HEIGHT=215 WIDTH=181></TD>
<TD><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>REAL NAME</B>: Adam Sherson</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUAKE NAME</B>: Deslock</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>HEIGHT</B>: 5'11"</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>WEIGHT</B>: 130 lbs, including Palm
III and copy of <I>Teach Yourself Access in 14 Days</I>.</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>FAVORITE WEAPON</B>: Blaster, Rocket Launcher,
Railgun, </FONT><FONT SIZE=-1><FONT COLOR="#CCCCCC">Hyperblaster</FONT><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF">,</FONT></FONT><FONT SIZE=-2><FONT COLOR="#C0C0C0">Grenade
Launcher,</FONT><FONT COLOR="#999999">Machine Gun, </FONT><FONT COLOR="#666666">supershotgun, </FONT></FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUOTE</B>: "Say, Chzdanish, I just went
out and spent $800 on a new motherboard, processor, and Voodoo II card,
and I gained 5 frames per second! Now I'll continue to kick all your
asses. Here, want my cast-off old video card? Only twenty five
dollars..."</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>ARCH ENEMY</B>: Chzdanish (though he
doesn't know it yet...)</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>BIOGRAPHY</B>: After 10 years of University
studies (which he calls his "decade of excellence", and which everyone
else calls "fucking off"), Adam has found his place at UMass Transit as
the Acting Manager of Information Systems. This, as we have found
out, is a sophisticated euphemism for "the guy who forgets to replace the
batteries in the 'uninterruptable' power supply." Oddly enough, as
Deslock, Adam shows his real prowess with information systems; when
Quake doesn't run properly for any reason, it is fixed through a combination
of native intelligence, tenacity and hard work.</FONT></TD>
</TR>
</TABLE>
<TABLE BORDER=0 CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 >
<TR VALIGN=TOP>
<TD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="5"><IMG SRC="barclay.jpg" ALT="Evolutionary cul-de-sac ahead." HEIGHT=215 WIDTH=181></TD>
<TD><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>REAL NAME</B>: Frank Levine</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUAKE NAME</B>: Barclay</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>HEIGHT</B>: 5'11"</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>FAVORITE QUOTE</B>: "So, Lockheed called
today, and I told them that I wouldn't work for less than $1.2 million
and a company car, because that's what I'm worth."</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>HOBBIES</B>: Writing code that is so
fucked up, his former co-workers will tear their own limbs off in frustration
for months.</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>BIOGRAPHY</B>: Having garnered praise
for his admittedly stellar work on the UMTS payroll and employee database,
Frank continues his tradition of doing nothing, at Lockheed-Martin in his
new job. He hasn't told us what his new job is yet, since it's top
secret or something...but rest assured that you, dear reader, will suffer
for it in some way. Imagine the following scenario: You are
sitting in your favorite easy chair, reading a good book. HAH!
What a laugh; you haven't read a book in years. Anyway, your
sitting in your favorte chair playing Quake, when from out of the sky comes
an unearthly beam of green light, which touches your leg and POOF!
You disappear in a puff of pork-scented smoke. Your last thought
might be to blame the almighty for such an untimely demise, but you should
really blame Frank. Take my word for it.</FONT></TD>
</TR>
</TABLE>
<TABLE BORDER=0 CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 >
<TR VALIGN=TOP>
<TD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="5"><IMG SRC="predator.JPG" ALT="Here is a grown man who loves cows." HEIGHT=214 WIDTH=181></TD>
<TD><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>REAL NAME</B>: LJ Weslowski</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUAKE NAME</B>: Predator</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>HEIGHT</B>: 6'</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>BASIC SUBSTANCE OF WHICH HE IS COMPRISED</B>:
Beanie Weenie and Olean.</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>FAVORITE WEAPON</B>: An aspirated screech
known to sterilize passersby.</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>FAVORITE ANIMAL</B>: The cow, for some
reason.</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUOTE</B>: "YAHOO!" (usually screamed
in some unsuspecting, and suddenly deafened, person's ear).</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>HOBBY</B>: Spelunking for clean food
containers around the Superfund site known as his desk. Self abuse.
Talking about paintball.</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>BIOGRAPHY</B>: Former truck driver
for the Army, at some point L.J. decided that he had a neuron or two, and
decided to come to college and become UMTS Operations Supervisor.
Now fully rehabilitated from his days as a double-clutching trained killer,
Predator has replaced aggression with paintball and Quake. He also
regularly tries to pick up his boss and coworkers, and throw them against
the wall, thus proving that you can take the boy out of the Army, but you
can't take the Army out of the boy. His ability to bore you with
talk of various paintball weapons is legendary, second only to his ability
to eat foods that would render a dog insensate. </FONT></TD>
</TR>
</TABLE>
<TABLE BORDER=0 CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 >
<TR VALIGN=TOP>
<TD WIDTH="5"><IMG SRC="sasquatch.jpg" ALT="Old Splitfoot, the dark lord, is coming for you!" HEIGHT=215 WIDTH=181></TD>
<TD><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>REAL NAME</B>: Shannon Williams</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUAKE NAME</B>: </FONT> <FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF">Sasquatch</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>HEIGHT</B>: 6'4"</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>FAVORITE WEAPON</B>: Rocket Launcher</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUOTE</B>: "...!"</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>MOST COMMONLY DESCRIBED AS</B>:
A nice man, good bus driver...I never thought of him as a murderer.
I mean, who knew? He didn't talk all that much. He mostly just
kept to himself. </FONT></TD>
</TR>
</TABLE>
<TABLE BORDER=0 CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 >
<TR VALIGN=TOP>
<TD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="5"><IMG SRC="tuco.jpg" ALT="Like a car accident--you want to look away, but you can't." HEIGHT=215 WIDTH=181></TD>
<TD><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>REAL NAME</B>: Kevin Bjork</FONT>
<BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF">QUAKE NAME</FONT></B><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF">:
Tuco</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>HEIGHT</B>: 5'9"</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>FAVORITE WEAPON</B>: Railgun</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUOTE</B>: Something sensible and friendly,
probably. Sickening, isn't it?.</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>ARCH ENEMY</B>: Can't think of a one.
Makes Michael Landon look like a violent schizophrenic ax-murderer.</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>BIOGRAPHY</B>: As an Engineering major,
Kevin's future seems bright, but what he doesn't know is that he's destined
to become head writer at Hallmark's Greeting Card division. Tuco's
friendly demeanor and air of general competence means that the author of
this site is unable to think of anything to say that disparages him.
So: Tuco is a jerk. A complete knee-biter.</FONT></TD>
</TR>
</TABLE>
<BR>
<TABLE BORDER=0 CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 >
<TR VALIGN=TOP>
<TD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="5"><IMG SRC="chz.jpg" ALT="If people would just do what I tell them to do, I'd be happy." HEIGHT=215 WIDTH=181></TD>
<TD><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>REAL NAME</B>: Dave Etler</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUAKE NAME</B>: Chzdanish</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>HEIGHT</B>: 5'9"</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>FAVORITE WEAPON</B>: BFG</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUOTE</B>: "SherS-O-O-ON-N!"</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>MISSION IN LIFE</B>: Build a game controller
that runs on brainwaves and make millions.</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>CHANCES OF SUCCESS</B>: Incalculably
submicroscopic.</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>WHY HE BOTHERS PLAYING</B>: "Hey, mediocrity
is my life, man."</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>GETS A CHARGE OUT OF</B>: Railgunning
even the worst player while frantically ignoring the extreme luck it took
to achieve such a feat.</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>BIOGRAPHY</B>: Consumed with thoughts
of growing old, Dave has resolved to deal with the problem by working at
UMTS, where he can surround himself with eighteen-to-twenty-two-year-olds.
Recently, while the members of the MTV demographic who work at UMTS were
trying to figure out how to get Chzdanish to leave his Staff position,
he outsmarted them all by getting himself a cushy full-time staff position,
"Coordinator" of safety and training. HAH! They'll never get
him to leave, now! AAHHH HA HA HA HA HA! Of course, he is overlooking
with a fervor bordering on religious the fact that it's just a temporary
posting until they can find someone who is actually qualified for the position.
However, Dave figures he can convince the right people to let him stay
by exhibiting his native intelligence, emphasizing his organizational skills,
and by welding his office door shut and epoxying himself to his chair. </FONT></TD>
</TR>
</TABLE>
<BR>
<TABLE BORDER=0 CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 >
<TR VALIGN=TOP>
<TD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="5"><IMG SRC="spice.JPG" ALT="Look away, I'm hideous!" HEIGHT=215 WIDTH=181>
<CENTER><IMG SRC="dork.gif" HEIGHT=100 WIDTH=100></CENTER>
</TD>
<TD><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>REAL NAME</B>: Rob Sterner</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUAKE NAME</B>: Spiceboy</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>HEIGHT</B>: 6'2"</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>FAVORITE WEAPON</B>: His mouth.</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUOTE</B>: "Blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah<FONT SIZE=-1>blahblah</FONT><FONT SIZE=-2>blahblah</FONT></FONT><FONT SIZE=-2><FONT COLOR="#999999">blahblah</FONT><FONT COLOR="#333333">blahblah...</FONT></FONT><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF">"</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>MISSION IN LIFE</B>: Make the Guinness
book of records for having the highest number of keys bound to scintillating
and witty phrases like "DIE!" and "Heh!"</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>LIFE'S AMBITION</B>: To be a character
in a William Gibson novel.</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>FAVORITE THING TO INGEST</B>: Lithium.</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>BIOGRAPHY</B>: When one looks at Rob,
one is instantly reminded of the movie Hackers. Scientists are in
their labs this very moment trying to come up with a theory that explains
why such a terrible movie could have actually influenced Rob to dress like
a William Gibson character. As well, Rob talks so fast and so much that
some have theorized that he actually is a self-aware TRS-80 that believes
it's communicating directly with humans using a T3. It is the author's
opinion that Rob is in some heavy denial about the death of cyberpunk.</FONT></TD>
</TR>
</TABLE>
<BR>
<TABLE BORDER=0 CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 >
<TR VALIGN=TOP>
<TD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="5"><IMG SRC="schizzo.JPG" ALT="What a terrible thing to have lost ones mind. Or not to have a mind at all. How true that is. --D. Quayle" HEIGHT=215 WIDTH=181></TD>
<TD><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>REAL NAME</B>: Bob Riley</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUAKE NAME</B>: Schizophrenic</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>HEIGHT</B>: 6'</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>LIKES: </B>Beer, cigarettes, more beer,
more cigarettes.</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>DISLIKES:</B> Lack thereof.</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>FAVORITE WEAPON</B>: His patented "hangover
fart" which can singe the nose-hairs of a person thirty feet away.
Although no one has thought of a way to include this in the game, he is
nevertheless doing a great deal of R & D.</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUOTE</B>: "I could help you with that,
but it would interfere with my beer consumption, plus I don't like you."</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>MISSION IN LIFE</B>: To get the American
Psychology Association to adopt a new diagnostic category called "compulsive
sarcasm."</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>BIOGRAPHY</B>: Probably one of the most
annoying people you'll ever have the misfortune to meet, Bob is the living
embodiment of the phrase "a mind is a terrible thing to waste." Believing
their son was endowed with an incredibly high IQ, Bob's parents had incredibly
high hopes for their son. Unfortunately, it turned out that the IQ
test makers had their signs reversed on a crucial equation. After
obtaining his degree in Biology (that's where all the chicks are...unfortunately
for them), in a scant 5 and a half years, Bob has opted to stay at Transit,
stating that he needs downtime after his hectic undergrad schedule of two
classes a week. </FONT></TD>
</TR>
</TABLE>
<BR>
<TABLE BORDER=0 CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 >
<TR VALIGN=TOP>
<TD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="5"><IMG SRC="roswell.JPG" ALT="Warning: prolonged exposure can cause extreme annoyance." HEIGHT=215 WIDTH=181></TD>
<TD><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>REAL NAME</B>: Jeremy Wardwell</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUAKE NAME</B>: Roswell</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>HEIGHT</B>: 6' 1"</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>FAVORITE HAIRCARE PRODUCT: </B>Tar</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>FAVORITE MOOD:</B> Schmoozy.</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>PROBABLE OCCUPATION AFTER TRANSIT</B>:
Used car salesman, lounge singer, senator.</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUOTE</B>: (shouted through Mr. Microphone)
"HEY, GOOD LOOKING! BE BACK TO PICK Y'UP LATER!"</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>BIOGRAPHY</B>: Exuding an oily charisma
all his own, Jeremy is by far the smoothest of the UMTS clan members.
After recently clawing his way up the ranks of Transit to pry Chzdanish's
ass from his beloved staff position, Jeremy has quickly acclimated to his
new position of power, ordering around underlings in a superior tone of
voice and abusing his new privileges left and right. When he isn't
squandering taxpayer dollars, he's playing Quake with a fair amount of
skill, leaving an oily sheen all over his mouse and keyboard.</FONT></TD>
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<TD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="5"><IMG SRC="havoc.jpg" ALT="So rumbly in my tummy." HEIGHT=215 WIDTH=181></TD>
<TD><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>REAL NAME</B>: Chris Walker-Ray</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUAKE NAME</B>: Havoc</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>HEIGHT</B>: 5'11"</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>HOBBIES: </B>Drawing pictures of Transformers
(no, we don't know why, either).</FONT>
<BR><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>QUOTE</B>: "Hey, Bob, didja see this
new picture of Megatron?"</FONT>
<P><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><B>BIOGRAPHY</B>: Chris is a 21 year old
Amherst native who still lives with his parents, which explains a few things.
One of the newest members of our clan, Chris has nonetheless showed increased
levels of skill in the area of Quake playing. Chris has the general
good attitude and above-average intlligence that assures him a safe and
sound future in whatever field he applies himself to, which is why the
author hopes he gets hit by a bus REAL soon.</FONT></TD>
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<TD><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><FONT SIZE=-1>This site looks best when you use
<A HREF="http://www.netscape.com/download/prev.html">Netscape Navigator
4.0 </A>or better, at 800x600. If you don't have Netscape, close
your eyes and think to yourself, "I'm a loser." And for Christ's
sweet sake, go get a video card that doesn't suck. Jeez, I bought
one for $25 and it gives me 1152x864.</FONT></FONT></TD>
<TD><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><FONT SIZE=-1><A HREF="http://www.umass.edu/campus_services/transit">UMass
Transit Service</A> has nothing officially to do with this web site.
However, many of the viewpoints that will eventually be expressed herein
will probably create active ulcers for our bosses. I cry a salty
tear.</FONT></FONT></TD>
<TD><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><FONT SIZE=-1>This site was created by <A HREF="mailto:[email protected]">[UMTS]Chzdanish</A>.
Three cheers for mediocrity!</FONT></FONT></TD>
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